Music-for-click:
Artist: Rod Stewart
Song: Young Turks
Good morning, Creation
Here we are on the other side of birth and almost 7 weeks into this new life. Liv Schwietzer was born at 10:11p on 12/13. She is peace and sweetness, and she is also a force that knows exactly what she needs when she needs it. She’s not afraid to voice it. She comes from the fires of the heart. I respect her power and I plan to learn from it. She is also (so far) blonde with blue eyes. She came out carrying all that is bright within us.
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I’ve been wanting to speak here for weeks, but we are deep-sea diving in the waters of newborn life. This means that there is very little my tired mind wants to do - especially if it’s labeled a “have-to”. So I’m working on re-focusing how I look to this writing.
This time around the newborn waters are mostly calm - a testament to both Liv’s cool temperament and the fact that Aviv and I have learned to let go of parenting perfection. We are so much more in flow - and it’s so liberating! And with that comes little messes everywhere. Piles of unfolded laundry. Beds perpetually unmade. What feels like stacks on stacks of dirty diapers (which luckily, DO find their way to the trash). Mostly, we haven’t really left the house in weeks. This is the way it’s meant to be. I’ve been training my eyes to see it as a comforting cocoon. A messy safe haven.
In between the caring-for and tidying, I’ve also been meditating on what this writing is for me and for You. The truth is that I know it is only worthwhile if it brings joy. So what brings joy? Documenting the presence in this experience of motherhood. BEing in it. The stillness and witnessing of it; the translation into words. I hope it serves as an example for BEing in any perspective, through any label we embody at any moment. I hope it inspires us to practice be-ing in any state. Finding the center-place where we love our existence unconditionally.
Realistically speaking, it’s clear to me that if I want to continue here, less will most definitely turn into more - and pictures will be my thousand words. So let’s begin again.
Liv’s bath, Jan 22nd:
I gave Liv a bath this morning. She enters the little grey whale seat with weary eyes - and then, I pour water on her feet, her little legs — truly flower stems. Immediately, she relaxes into wonder; turns into a sponge for life. I can feel all her senses come alive - the skin absorbing the silk of warm water. Every drip, a pearl. Smell - the nose turning gently here and there, following the invisible cloud of soap scent. Her ears, listening listening to everything - my voice echoing loudly, dancing against the cold tiles - the slapping of the water - strength like horses’ gallop falling from the faucet onto the floor of the tub. It’s a loud experience, Liv’s bath. Hardly relaxing for me - but all i have to do is stop to look at her awe for a moment. it becomes otherworldly. Every once in a while, a splash of water in the mouth - what amazement. Her eyes open wider and she looks up, down, all around with the grace of no-time. Her eyes taste everything. She is even too enthralled to express her glee.
Rain’s dance, Jan 25th
My son sits in the dawn eating breakfast. He asks for music - “the lady song”, which is “She’s a Lady” by Tom Jones. He loves old vibrations. It plays and he begins. He’s heard it a million times by now. Then Siri moves to the next song with a surprise - another old one - but this is the first time. Oh how i love the first time. I watch it capture him. Suddenly, we’re all in it together. He leaps from the chair and his energy floods his hips, so much that they move without him. His body starts scooting to the center of the living room, lead by his seat with his feet following. He’s flipping now - head to the floor, torso up and over. His hands are in the air, as if he’s pushing and pulling some see-thru force. This is Young Turks by Rod Stewart. This is Rain - and then he calls to the three of us - Dance with me! - and we do. The house is alive with the energy of our family of 4. Rain’s hands in my hands. Liv in Aviv’s arms. We are young and we are alive. We are.
(Later, i am watching the music video and wondering how on earth Rain moved his body exactly like these dancers, when he’s never seen them before - reincarnations reincarnations, conscious collective, the same music makes us all dance in the same way - we are connected across time and space and it’s so obvious)